


All That I Am

by 8bitcyborg



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Angst, Depression, Enthusiastic Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Family, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Pining, Psychological Trauma, Wacky Situations, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, canon compliant humor, chosen family, path to healing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 22:43:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18765781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8bitcyborg/pseuds/8bitcyborg
Summary: «Living in the hazy landscape of seeking revenge for his parents murder his whole life left Barnaby Brooks Jr. with neither time nor desire to have normal relationships with other people. When closure comes unexpectedly, he’s left with nothing to actually live for, and no one to call family. His stone cold facade and carefully crafted self-composition is cracking, bit by bit, and no one cares enough to pick up the pieces. Or so he thinks.A spur of the moment visit to Kotetsu’s family in Oriental Town sets things into motion, and maybe, just maybe the path to healing doesn’t need to be walked alone.»





	All That I Am

**Author's Note:**

> Back in 2011 when Tiger & Bunny first aired, I had no skills to speak of when it came to making content for the fandom. Now, 8 years later, I am STOKED to present to you all; an actual fic for the series!
> 
> More tags may be added as I go along!
> 
> Please enjoy❤️

Kotetsu’s family are really nice people.

From the very moment Kotetsu and Barnaby step inside the Kaburagi family home, Kotetsu’s mother—Anju—is doting on them. Barnaby more so than Kotetsu in fact. Kotetsu’s daughter is all starry-eyed and blushing from behind chestnut-coloured bangs, timidly asking him if he wants to see her collection of Hero paraphernalia. Kotetsu’s brother—Muramasa was it?—seems cold at first, but as soon as he has introduced himself he’s all calm and stoic smiles, a broad hand slapping Barnaby just a little too hard on the back. _‘He means well’_ , Kotetsu says, laughing unabashedly. It makes Barnaby warm inside. Having this much _sincere_ attention to his person is still a new and interesting feeling.

“Are you boys hungry?” Anju asks, smile warm and welcoming. She reminds Barnaby of Aunt Samantha. It’s already been over a year, yet the sorrow feels way too fresh. “I hope you are, because dinner will soon be ready and I made enough to feed an army.” she chuckles and pats Kotetsu’s stomach, Kotetsu in turn grins sheepishly.

“You wouldn’t know it simply by looking at him, but my little boy here is a big eater.” she continues. Barnaby can _feel_ the warmth of her words.

“I’m starving!” Kotetsu proclaims cheekily. “And I’m sure Bunny is too!”

“Bunny?”Anju asks, the curiousity to her voice so genuine and pure. “Did you guys bring a pet rabbit too?”

Oh. Not everyone is aware of Kotetsu’s nickname for Barnaby. Even though he’s well used to it by now, Barnaby is actually a little mortified with Kotetsu using it in front of his family, in front of his mother nonetheless.

“Ah no, you see, mom—it’s what I call Barnaby here because—”

Anju interrupts Kotetsu with a hearty laugh—the same type of laugh Barnaby has found himself growing rather fond of for the past year. Lies in the family, huh.

“Is that so? Why it must be because of his helmet isn’t it? It _does_ look a bit like bunny ears doesn’t it?”

Yep. Definitely in the family. The smug grin Kotetsu shoots Barnaby would have annoyed him a scarce year ago, now he just sighs in mock defeat, offering Anju a smile showing how resigned he is to his fate.

“I think it’s cute.” Anju says, placing a gentle hand on Barnaby’s arm. “Come now, dinner waits.”

Anju hadn’t been kidding when she said she had made enough food to feed an army. Sternbild was a multicultural city, and you could get just about any type of food there, but Barnaby has to admit he is rather excited by the prospect of having authentic Oriental food for dinner. Homemade even. Kotetsu’s fried rice is pretty amazing, and there was no doubt he’d learned how to make that from Anju herself.

“You should try the spring rolls, Bunny.” Kotetsu says, mouth already full of noodles.

“Kotetsu.” Anju chastises, but there’s nothing but love in her voice. “Don’t talk with food in your mouth.”

“Sorry, mom.” Kotetsu says sheepishly, offering Barnaby the plate with the spring rolls. They smell delicious. The moment he bites into one is pure bliss. They are warm and crisp, and they taste _heavenly_.

“These are really good, Mrs. Kaburagi.” Barnaby says, having already finished the first one. Anju smiles, gesturing for him to take more.

“I’m glad.” she says. “But please, call me Anju. You are part of the family, no?”

_Part of the family._

Family are people with biological, or intimate ties forged out of growing up together or by marrying into the blood family. Or so Barnaby used to think. He’s been a Hero and Kotetsu’s partner for scarcely one and a half years, yet the Kaburagi’s—according to Anju—regard him as family.

_‘But Handsome, you are family too!’_ the vivid memory of Fire Emblem not long ago says, and Barnaby chuckles silently to himself. The rest of the Heroes had nodded in affirmation. Maybe he wasn’t actually alone anymore?

“What’s with the weird smile, Bunny?” Kotetsu says, too curious for his own good.

“Nothing.” Barnaby tries, to which Kotetsu just gives him his most unimpressed look. “Fine, fine.” Barnaby continues. “I’m just thinking about how—nice, this is. I am glad I said yes to come visit your family with you.”

The way Kotetsu’s lips curl up into a genuine and warm smile has Barnaby’s stomach flutter, and he swallows at the unexpected but not totally unwelcome feeling.

“I’m glad you joined me too, Bunny.”

“Barnaby-san.” Kaede pipes up suddenly, smiling shyly at him. Everyone in the Kaburagi family has nice smiles. “Can I show you my collection now?”

“Kaede, you should let Barnaby-san finish his meal before you drag him away from the table.” Anju scolds her mildly. Kaede puffs out her cheeks.

“I am just really excited, okay?” she says petulantly, crossing her arms. Kotetsu laughs and pats her head.

“Cutie Kaede-chaaan~” he croons. Kaede smacks him on the head in retaliation and Muramasa sighs tiredly but laughs right after.

The commotion around the dinner table makes Barnaby laugh too. The warmth, the smiles, the _love_ this family hold for each other. It’s beautiful, and they insist it also includes him. It’s foreign, but it has also awoken something in him that he thought he had long buried. The yearning for a family, for having people around him that he can lean on, people he can trust, people he can love. It’s been so many years, with no one there for him but Mr. Maverick and the occasional contact with Aunt Samantha. With both of them gone he had been left all alone in the world. He feels—rusty when it comes to having anything else but a professional relationship with other humans. He’s always kept everyone in his life at an arm’s length.

But he doesn’t really want to do that anymore.

“Alright, Kaede. You wanted to show me your collection?” he says after finishing the last piece of his steamed pork bun.

“Yes!” Kaede says, shooting up from her chair and piling her plates in the sink. “This way!”

Barnaby follows her example of putting away his dishes before turning to Anju, bowing lightly.

“Thank you for dinner, Anju-san. It was lovely. It seems I’ve been booked for a viewing of a very important collection so please excuse me.”

“You’re welcome, Barnaby-san.” Anju says warmly. Kotetsu is looking at him, but Barnaby can’t quite place the look. It’s not an unpleasant one. He smiles back before heading in the direction Kaede went. Before entering the threshold of her room however he stops.

“I’m sorry, I need to use the restroom before I join you.” he tells her.

“Back down the stairs and to the right!” she exclaims and points. “I’ll be waiting!”

He finishes up and washes his hands, inspecting himself in the mirror hanging over the sink. He’s sleeping a bit better these days. The dark circles around his eyes having faded enough for him not having to use makeup to cover them anymore. Not that he ever cared for that, but his public image needed to be kept up Mr. Maverick had told him. Mr. Maverick had told him a lot of things, things that were proven not to be true anymore… He splashes water in his face and shakes his head at his reflection. The past was supposed to be the past. He’d gotten his closure, and he needed to move on, both for himself, and for those around him.  
He exits the bathroom, immediately alerted to the soft voices in the kitchen. He shouldn’t be listening in on the Kaburagi’s private conversations but his feet becomes glued to the floor when Anju speaks.

“Is there anyone special in you life, Kotetsu?”

“Mooom!” is Kotetsu’s indignant reply. Barnaby’s ears are perking up so much he’s sure his nickname of _‘Bunny’_ is finally justified.

“I’m just curious.” Anju says mildly. “It’s been six years Kotetsu. I want you to be happy.”

“People are talking.” Muramasa shoots in. “Every time you visit, that overbearing lady down at the sweets shop comes over asking mom if you’re ever intending to remarry.”

Barnaby can practically _hear_ Kotetsu’s grimace from Muramasa’s words.

“Apparently she’s got a daughter a few years younger than you that is still single.”

“Why is it always me?” Kotetsu exclaims. “You aren’t seeing anyone?”

“This is true.” Muramasa replies. “But then again I don’t have any children. I think they’re just concerned for Kaede not having a mother to look after her. She’s becoming a teenager you know?”

“People grow up just fine with only one parent don’t they?” Kotetsu says. He’s really annoyed, Barnaby can tell. “Sheesh, these old ladies should mind their own frickin’ business. I’d do anything for Kaede, and she’s got you guys too. She doesn’t need someone posing as a mother!”

“...besides, no one could ever replace Tomoe…” he adds, voice so quiet and somber Barnaby’s heart aches.

_Tomoe_.  
  
Barnaby doesn’t know nearly anything about Kotetsu’s late wife. He casts a glance at the family shrine set in the hallway. With pictures of Kotetsu and Muramasa as kids, a stoic man who is probably their father and Anju’s late husband. Kaede as a child, and a wedding photo, of a younger Kotetsu and a beautiful woman with long, treacle-coloured hair. She’s beautiful, and she must have meant the world to Kotetsu.  
The spike of jealousy comes out of nowhere, and Barnaby has to bite his lip not to wince at the pain in his heart. He really doesn’t want to acknowledge that just yet. The fact that he misses someone. Someone to share his life with. He grits his teeth in annoyance at himself. Feelings are messy things to deal with sometimes.

“We all miss Tomoe.” Anju says quietly. “I don’t care if you never remarry. All I want for you is to be happy, however way that may be. I fuss over you because you are my little boy still you know?”

“Hero life doesn’t really let you have much free time for the dating scene anyways.” Kotetsu says and Barnaby can picture him rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

“Let them talk.” Muramasa says. “They have their experiences, we have ours. As long as my family is happy with their life choices I am happy too.”

“Thank you, kaa-san, onii-san.” Kotetsu says warmly. There’s shuffling around the table and Barnaby practically sprints from his hiding place so not to be seen. He’s back up the stairs and by Kaede’s doorstep in no time, heart racing in his chest.

“There you are!” Kaede exclaims with glee. Behind her on the bed lies several photos, posters, and magazines, all featuring Barnaby on the front. There’s a few of Wild Tiger there too, recent ones he notices.

“Sorry I took so long, I had a stomach ache.” Barnaby tells her. She smiles and waves here hand.

“You are forgiven.”

Kaede has _a lot_ of Hero merchandise. While most of it is featuring Barnaby, she has also collected a sizeable pool of stuff centered around the rest of the Heroes as well. There’s keychains, figurines, even plushies, and a few t-shirts. There’s a big paper fan with a motif of Origami Cyclone on it, and on her desk is Fire Emblem’s latest makeup collection. Kaede smiles shyly when she notices Barnaby looking at the display.

“I practice sometimes. I’m not really good at it though, and besides; makeup itches!” she says grimacing.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Barnaby chuckles, to Kaede’s amusement.

“Have you tried it?” she says, eyes sparkling with curiousity.

“Ah, no, not Fire Emblem’s collection no, but I have tried makeup yes. It’s actually pretty common for celebrities to use makeup when they’re on TV. It mostly has to do with the lightning and the way cameras work, and of course, your producers want you to look extra pretty on TV.”

“I think you’re pretty just the way you are, Barnaby-san.” Kaede says, a delicate blush blooming across her cheeks. She’s suave this one, unlike her father.

_‘Well that isn’t entirely true now is it?’_ Barnaby’s inner voice unhelpfully supplies. _‘Kotetsu does have charm, in heaps.’_

Kotetsu chooses this exact moment to knock on Kaede’s doorframe, all brilliant smile and friendly posture. He looks really good in his more casual wear.

“May I come in?” Kotetsu asks, smiling nervously as Kaede narrows her eyes and pretends to mull it over.

“Of course, dad.” she says, and Kotetsu lets out a breath of relief.

“Look at all this Hero stuff!” Kotetsu exclaims giddily, eyeing all the merchandise laid out in her room. “There’s so much more than last time! Kaede, I’m impressed!”

He moves in to hug her, but she dodges him perfectly. He whines but gives her space, and Barnaby chuckles. Their dynamic is really cute. It makes Barnaby wonder how his own father would have acted with him as he got older. There’s a pang of sadness in his heart and he swallows, trying to force the lump growing in his throat to go away. There’s no using thinking about it, it’s only going to spiral him into depression over and over and over again. It’s a thing of the past, he can’t change it, it’s—

“Bunny?” Kotetsu’s concerned voice drags him out of his dark thoughts and he has to blink away the tears that has gathered in the corners of his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, I—you remember that dog we met on our way here? I think I am having a reaction.” Barnaby says, his voice not convincing at all. Kaede looks worried.

“Ah yeah, the dog we stopped to pet. Aw, poor Bunny.” Kotetsu says, patting his shoulder. “I’ll ask if mom has any allergy medication laying around. Muramasa sometimes react to dogs too.”

For a second Barnaby is amused he managed to trick them both into believing him, but as his gaze meets Kotetsu’s, he can see sincere concern and worry. Kotetsu doesn’t believe him, but he’s playing along so Kaede doesn’t have to be worried. Barnaby’s heart gives off a hard thump.

“Thank you.” he manages to say, wiping at his eyes and putting on what he hopes is a genuine smile. Kaede seems convinced at least.

“So glad I didn’t inherit that. I wouldn’t know what to do if I couldn’t pet cute dogs!” she says dramatically.

Kotetsu comes back with a glass of water and sneaks something into Barnaby’s hand. His skin is warm and the contact lingers.

“Here you go, Bunny. Hope you’ll feel better.”

He pops whatever Kotetsu has given him into his mouth and has to fight the urge to smile when the delicious taste of strawberries and vanilla fills his mouth. A hard candy huh? Kotetsu shoots him a friendly smile and there’s warmth blossoming in Barnaby’s chest.

“Ooh, look, Bunny! Here’s the official Hero comic that came out after we defeated Jake! I never had time to read it.” Kotetsu exclaims, happily shuffling through the pages. “Oh man, they made us look so cool!”

There’s a sizeable stack of Hero comics now, even spin-off stories based on each of the Heroes and their everyday lives.

“What are these?” Barnaby asks, picking up a stack of what looks like smaller comic books.

“Oh, those are fanzines.” Kaede replies, picking up one with Blue Rose on the front. “Artists come together and collaborate on making a collection of drawings of their favourite Hero!” She picks up another one and opens it to show Barnaby. “This is a doujinshi, it’s like a comic, except it isn’t made by the official team, but it’s kind of like a fanzine too!”

The interest in Heroes had certainly exploded after both the Jake incident and the H-01 incident, leaving a trail of merchandise—both official and fan-made—in its wake.

“I had to make a trade on a Hero forum for that stack of stuff.” Kaede says. “They wanted a limited edition Fire Emblem figurine for it, luckily I had two of that particular one! I haven’t had the chance to read all of them yet though.”

Barnaby shuffles through the quite impressive stack of doujinshi while Kaede moves over to put all the action figures back in their respective boxes. Kotetsu shuffles to sit beside him, seemingly also curious about all the unofficial comics available. Almost at the end of the stack there’s a quite flashy one, picturing both Barnaby and Wild Tiger on the front. The title reads _‘The Wild Tiger Claims The Cute Bunny’_ and makes Barnaby raise an eyebrow. Kotetsu shoots him a confused look, and Barnaby opens it up to flip through the pages.

Kotetsu smacks a hand in front of his own mouth as their eyes collectively land on a particularly raunchy page. Barnaby is too aware of the heat creeping up his own neck, not daring to look directly at Kotetsu. What in the world was this? His hands move on their own accord, flipping through the rest of the doujin, one page more raunchy than the other. His cheeks are flaring up and Kotetsu is probably choking beside him. Kaede turns back to them and shoots them a questioning look.

“Are you alright?” she asks, brows furrowed in concern when she looks at Barnaby.

“Oh, hahaha! Poor Bunny appears to have gotten a fever suddenly!” Kotetsu half-shouts, smacking a hand on Barnaby’s forehead, sending his glasses askew. Barnaby feels as if his brain is short-circuiting, Kotetsu’s touch on his forehead is _electric_. He swallows as he closes the doujin, Kotetsu immediately taking it from him with his free hand.

“Bunny, we better get you to bed, or better yet, why don’t we get you some air first?!” he says frantically.

“Good idea.” Barnaby manages to reply. Kaede doesn’t look too impressed, sighing as she shakes her head.

“Sheesh, you should see a doctor, Barnaby-san. This is no good.”

“I—I will, thank you, Kaede-chan, for showing me your collection.” he croaks. “I’ll see you tomorrow, good night.”

Out on the porch they draw a long, simultaneous breath, trying to dispel the awkward tension from earlier. Kotetsu has been clutching the doujin in his hand in a vice grip, and he opens the trash can and throws it away as if it’s burning his fingers. He sits down on the staircase, hand over his eyes.

“Lucky thing we caught that _porn mag_ before Kaede could read it.” he says with distaste. “Sheesh, who in their right mind would make something like that!?”

Barnaby can’t do much but shrug in response. He has kind of lost his ability to talk for the moment. His head is racing with a million thoughts and pictures, none of them innocent.

“Jeez, that was so embarrassing.” Kotetsu mumbles beside him, twiddling his thumbs and shaking his head.

The sun is already dipping down low on the horizon and there are crickets singing in the grass of the garden. Even though Barnaby’s head is a right mess, the scenery and tranquility of the moment does not go unappreciated. He sneaks a glance at Kotetsu whom appears to be lost in his own thoughts as well. He’s really handsome with those last slivers of sunshine accentuating his features.

_‘Falling for your own colleague now are you? Pathetic.’_

_‘No. Shut up.’_

“You okay, Bunny?”

Barnaby doesn’t have time to look away without seeming suspicious, so he meets Kotetsu’s amber gaze head on instead. Is he okay? Maybe, maybe not. Sitting here on the porch watching the sunset together with Kotetsu is _very much okay_. His eyes lowering to study Kotetsu’s mouth and finding himself wanting to kiss him is _very much not okay._

“I’m—”

The front door opens with a click and Muramasa appears in the doorway.

“Oy, Kotetsu, Barnaby-san. Mom is wondering if you would like some tea before bedtime.” the gruff man says.

“Yes, please!” Kotetsu replies, already up on his feet. Muramasa disappears back into the house and Kotetsu looks at Barnaby, a gentle smile on his lips.

“I’ll be right with you.” Barnaby says, returning his smile.

He can’t make heads or tails of his thoughts at the moment and it’s really frustrating. He doesn’t even want to begin addressing the budding feelings of—something more than mere companionship he’s been having for Kotetsu. Does he want something more? Well, kind of. But it doesn’t have to be with Kotetsu—does it? He’s merely confused with his own feelings, it’s not like he has a lot of experience with these things… He wants _someone, something_ —to be closer to a person would be nice.  
He rises to his feet and brushes some dust off his pants. Tea before bed did sound nice. He stops with his hand on the door handle however, an unbidden shiver racking down his spine at his own intrusive, _idiotic_ idea.

_‘No. Better not.’_

He lies in the guestroom bed an hour later, with the faint taste of matcha and mint on his tongue, and Kotetsu snoring away on the opposite side of the room. He doesn’t fall asleep until much later, his mind way too occupied with thinking about the crumpled doujin wrapped up in one of his jackets and securely hidden in his travel bag.

* * *

 

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Hit me up on Twitter **[@CoreyCatnip](https://twitter.com/coreycatnip)**  
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